Holiday: A Date with God


     November 30 is a National Holiday in the Philippines because it is the birth date of Andres Bonifacio, one of the greatest heroes I know. If you want to know about him and his deeds, click the link: Andres Bonifacio.

     I declined different invitations from my friends to hang-out with them for I wanted to spend my holiday with my family, especially my brother. Mind you, I am very family-oriented and I will always choose my family above all else. All the members of my family are working and I am a busy woman during weekdays because of academic stuff that is why I am really looking forward to holidays for it would mean spending time with them. However when I woke up earlier, my brother was about to leave the house. I found out that he had to go to the Christmas party meeting of their company. Craaaaap. My parents still had their work because they are tutors. And I was all alone.

     Last night was not a very good night. November 29, 2011 was my very awkward day. Perhaps, the most awkward day. It was just sad. Thank you for all of my friends who were there to cheer me up and were actually making me laugh. Thank you for your efforts. But at the end of the day, it was just me and my thoughts. I cried. Ewww.
A bad night and a day alone is not a good combination.
    I tried to shake all of the things that would rob me of my joy. I talked to God. I had a date with Him..... and it was awesome. Thank You, Dad. :)

He replied to me thru these verses:

Psalm 51:17"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."
Jonah 2:2"He said: In my distress I called to the Lord, and He answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and You listened to my cry. 


Isn't God so sweet? :-)

<3 Sarah

How Are You?

I am feeling.... I, myself do not know.

Depressed? Insecure? Perhaps.

Lately, I have been battling with my self-worth. I feel like I am no one. I feel like I am who I am because of what others tell me.

I.DO.NOT.KNOW.WHO.I.AM.

What is wrong with me? Why am I undergoing identity crisis at the age of 18? I thought it is just for the adolescent stage? (For the record, I am not lesbian. My classmate thought I was gay/lesbian inside. Ha ha. She did not understand my sentiments.)


This depression branched into different issues within me. I wanted to break every mirror that I see. I did not want to look at myself for I hated myself- inside and out. I would often times cry myself to sleep.


So there. I tried to withdraw from everything- from people especially. I wanted to know who I really am without the outside forces influencing me what to do and where to go.

.......................

I deactivated my Facebook account, I did not use my Yahoo! Messenger and I did not load up for quite some time. Then one day, my friend went to my school. I actually did not want to reply to his message, go where he is or even say hi but I did. Weird. He told me that he will be having a photo shoot there and I was glad that I was able to help him in very little ways. He is one of my closest friends. We do not talk that often but whenever we have a chance to talk, there is and will always be a deep conversation.
"Soooo. Kamusta ka naman?" (How are you?)
He asked me. I honestly did not know where to start. I was also thinking, "Would he even bother listening?" and I was thinking that he might think that I am very dramatic. Different things were running through my head when he asked me that question. Crazy? Yes I was. Maybe I forgot at that moment that he is my friend. I just answered,
"Okay lang." (I'm okay)
I tried to fake a smile. I tried to portray that I was okay because I did not want the hassle of explaining to others how I am. I did not expect his reply. "Nahh, hindi ka okay." (No, you're not okay.) And then I got back into my senses. He knows me. Words slowly came out from my mouth and I was able to tell him my what was really going on with my life. He did not bother tell me any piece of advice. Few nods, "hmm", "gets" and "okay" were his replies. Those were enough. Maybe it is pride, but I really hate it when people bombard me with different advices as if I do not know those things. Listening ears were just what I needed.

A week after.. I got the chance to talk with another friend. She posted the same question.
"How are you?"

Since she is a woman, I felt more comfortable sharing my current state to her. Also, I know that she had experienced what I am experiencing. We used to be on the same page. I cried. And yes, it felt so good. Sometimes, my pride cannot hold my tears that even though how much I wanted to be strong, my tears would betray me and fall freely from my eyes. She knows how much I am hurting. She knows the feeling. Then she asked me..
"What is GOD telling you?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I can't hear Him or maybe it is just me closing my ears." 

She got her Bible and opened it to Psalm 139. I know that chapter by head but I humbled myself, took time to listen and opened my mind. She read the it using the New Living Translation version.

"Feeling alone? Rejected? Friends leaving you every now and then? GOD is your bestfriend. He alone should be enough. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.", she said in a very strong but gentle way. Then she slowly read the passage.


Psalm 139
For the choir director: A psalm of David.

 1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
      and know everything about me.
 2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
      You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
 3 You see me when I travel
      and when I rest at home.
      You know everything I do.
 4 You know what I am going to say
      even before I say it, Lord.
 5 You go before me and follow me.
      You place your hand of blessing on my head.
 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
      too great for me to understand!
 7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
      I can never get away from your presence!
 8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
      if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
 9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
      if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
 10 even there your hand will guide me,
      and your strength will support me.
 11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
      and the light around me to become night—
    12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
   To you the night shines as bright as day.
      Darkness and light are the same to you.


I am still struggling with my looks. I even got to the extent of desiring to have
annorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. It was in PE class that I discovered that
I gained 5 kgs. I last checked my weight when I was in 4th yr highschool and I
gained 5 kgs. in a span of 3 years! My height did not change; thus, no matter how
long it took and even though it is still normal in BMI calculation, I still gained 5 kgs.
I was devastated. If only I could not eat forever.

And the next verses are very cliche' but this always speaks to me.

 13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 16 You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.



She prayed for me. I was crying. Then she hugged me and it was just very comforting. She's like my big sister.

I am in the process of healing. I am still figuring things out. I am evaluating myself.
...but things are better now. I broke down the wall that hinders me from my relationship with God.

God is simply amazing. :) that even though how much I run away from Him, He is always there to welcome me back home- with open arms.

I am holding on to Him. :') I thankful for these people that He planned for me to meet. In my mind it was just a coincidence and/or an accident but for Him, He really organized those meetings.

Sooo.. How are you?

<3 Sarah

* The chapter is from Biblegateway.com

Hakka Hakka Eh Eh (For the First Time: A Milk Tea Experience)

Tea for Chinese is not something new for we drink it since we started to learn how to drink. When this fuss about 'milk tea' has filled almost every one, my initial reaction is "That's just simple tea and add two spoon-full of non-fat milk and sugar to taste. It can be homemade. We drink it since time immemorial."

There is a tea shop near my school and I have not tasted it until one by one, replicas of that store are sprouting anywhere. Wild. I have declined numerous invitations from my friends to go and buy there. What is so special about this milk tea? The price actually has shocked me for a tea bag costs less than P10 and milk with sugar, I guess all in all- P30 would be enough. (See how my Chinese characteristic- being practical is evident. Hihi. :>)

However, last Monday my friends and I went to that milk tea house in Katipunan - Moonleaf. Since I do not know what to order, I trusted my friend who has a good taste. Ha ha. He ordered 'Hakka'.


"Daniel" was his second name :)) It could have been better if my name was written there. HAHA
I do not know if it tastes good because it is for free or it really does taste good. Ha ha. I enjoyed drinking this milk tea. If compared to other beverages, the price of this milk tea is actually okay- better than spending hundreds for a cup of coffee. Hihi. However, I do not recommend this for people who are maintaining a certain diet for:
One pearl in milk tea average at around 15 calories. 1 milk tea has approx 30 pearls. Calories from pearls in milk tea alone = 450
WILD. @-)

But if you're not health-conscious.....

Try it! :) Visit the nearest Moonleaf branch in you! They now have 11 branches. :)

<3 Sarah

Moves Like Joggers

I want to lose weight... badly.

I have been feeling fat ever since I saw my evolution thru different photos. Ha ha. But it is not funny, it is in fact depressing to see how much I have gained weight in just a span of one year. And, I am tired of people teasing me fat or having a round face. :-| I want my old body back. I want to be healthy. Stress, please leave me now...and forever.

Also, I want to practice my cardiovascular endurance because I have a weight training subject- as a fulfillment for my 4-course Physical Education.

Thank you for these awesome jogging buddies that I have! I appreciate them for traveling from Manila to my school just to jog. :)

Meet the joggers! Emong, the author, Pupay and Trisha
and we have a medic :> Hello, Rj!
I am hoping to lose 6 kilograms by the end of the year. I am starting a healthy lifestyle now- oatmeal for breakfast and vegetables for lunch. I am cutting down on carbohydrates and more on protein. Lastly, I am practicing to sleep and wake up early.

Hoping for the best! ;)

After 2 laps around the academic oval! Whew! Felt so good! ;)
Of course, their stay in UP Diliman would not be complete without tasting the famous  isaw in our campus :) Congratulations Rj for tasting your very first isaw!

<3 Sarah

In the Beginning

So...


What's with blogging?


I tried blogging- Friendster, Multiply, etc. at an early age. All failed. I don't know. Some was because of the site's fault, most were mine.


This time, I want to take it seriously. I want this blog to be my best friend. Someone who will let me write everything and anything on my mind.


Keep posted.


Sarah lovin'. ;)
(c) Summer Lee 2011. Powered by Blogger.